Those Whippersnappers!

by coelomic

Those Whippersnappers

I found this on the internet.  Enjoy!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their
tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing
up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning …
uphill BOTH ways…yadda, yadda, yadda. I remember promising myself
that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a
bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how
easy they’ve got it. But now that I’m over the ripe old
age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the
youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you
kids today you don’t know how good you’ve got it.

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the internet. If
we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and
look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email. We had to actually write somebody a letter
… with a pen. Then you had to walk all the way across the street
and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get

There were no MP3’s or Napsters. You wanted to steal
music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift
it yourself. Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the
radio and the DJ’d usually talk over the beginning and @#*%
it all up!

And talk about hardship? You couldn’t just download porn.
You had to steal it from your brother or bribe some homeless dude
to buy you a copy of “Hustler” at the 7-11. Those were
your options!

We didn’t have fancy crap like call waiting. If you were
on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal.
That’s it!

And we didn’t have fancy caller ID Boxes either. When the
phone rang, you had no idea who it was. It could be your school,
your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections
agent, you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take
your chances, mister.

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with
high-resolution 3-D graphics. We had the Atari 2600 with games like
“Space Invaders” and “Asteroids” and the
graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square, you actually had
to use your imagination, and there were no multiple levels or
screens; it was just one screen forever and you could never win!
The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster
until you died … Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as
stadium seating. All the seats were the same height so if a tall
guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you
couldn’t see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like
15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control.
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was
on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing. You had to
get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and
there was no Cartoon Network either. You could only get cartoons on
Saturday morning. Do you hear what I’m saying!?! We had to
wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little brat-bastards!

And we didn’t have microwaves. If we wanted to heat
something up, we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire
… imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid
JiffyPop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an

That’s exactly what I’m talking about. You kids
today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled. You guys
wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980!



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